Vacancy at Hotel Uterus

The wait is over...I am no longer pregnant. Or "technically" pregnant. I knew it was a long shot but I held on to the thin shred of hope that maybe it would miraculously work. It didn't.

My HCG level went down to 70. And I still have to do blood work until I am at 0 (negative). They love torturing you.

This morning I went to the office to get blood work done. Easy. Then I had an ultrasound. Actually, I sat on the chair thing for at least 10 minutes, half naked, with a drape. Waiting. And what do I hear while I wait?

Someone comes in for blood work because CONGRATULATIONS...she's PREGNANT! The giggles and "yeah she called me all excited" etc...just were not helping.

Yes, congrats to those who get pregnant. I also don't know how hard it was for that person to get pregnant. However, I do have to admit that I was jealous.

So then the technician lady comes in and does her thing. Can't find anything. I actually told her it was like "Where's Waldo?" and that I was expecting to see his hat and striped shirt. lol I have to find humor in situations...especially when I could've burst into tears instead.

She tells me that if the levels rose, they are only concerned about an ectopic pregnancy at this time. Basically, she was saying that there's no actual viable pregnancy there...at all.

Naturally, I came home crushed but exhausted. My appointment was at 7am and I failed to fall asleep until at least 1:30am.

I slept for a little while knowing that the inevitable wait would be over at 3pm....but I already knew what was going to happen.

Two whole weeks of craziness and being strung along....and it's still not really over. I have to wait for my level to go down, then get my period...all so we can start this over again.

It's not the same as a negative. A negative would have meant I could start sooner...probably. It would have been devastating, yeah...but to be "close but no cigar" just seems more cruel.

The silver lining of all this is that it wasn't ectopic, a miscarriage, or chemical. I was told it was just not viable.

Hubby and I are concerned that we have come this close before but didn't know it. Will there ever be a viable pregnancy?

Of course I am hoping and praying that there will be...

Thanks for everyone's support and kind words. They really do make a difference. :)