First of all, my subject line has nothing to do with this post but I thought it was funny. :)
Current feeling in general: Allergies turned to a cold due to stupid weather and germy children at school. Yuck. But happier to be on my bromocriptine than not. This medicine is essential for me to be able to get pregnant. I was off it while I was "technically" pregnant.
Current feeling about baby making: Grr. I feel so detached at the moment because I have to wait for another cycle, etc. Btw, I got ANOTHER period over the weekend. Just about 19 days or so since my week of bleeding. Fun times. Not. But anyways, I see babies and I try to smile and not cry inside. Even though we have to wait for the next cycle, I guess it gives my body the time it needs to prepare itself. Maybe this will help it be more successful than the first time.
Current way of dealing with above: Get back to my hobbies. Finish projects that I didn't have the heart to complete. Do things instead of feeling depressed....and take better care of myself. That one is a daily chore that I sometimes fail at. Oops.
Current results and next step: Results from Monday showed that I am back to negative. Not surprised...and necessary to move on. Next step is to pay the $50 co pay to talk to the doctor again. I assume he will say to do the same thing again, but who knows? Maybe not. Last time we paid to talk to him, he said he didn't know what would happen. I guess we shall see what he says. No appointment has been made yet.
Also, on Monday, I was waiting for my turn for blood work and heard a WHOLE conversation with the patients in front of me....They were pregnant. Their numbers were in the 400s. Another congratulations while I sit depressed and still waiting for my turn. Ok pity party over.
To those of you who have felt this way every month or so for years....how do you do it??? I seriously don't know how you get through the wave of emotions. I commend you for still trying and being brave enough to face this every time. I hope I can be as brave as you.
Now that I've had a chance to vent, thank you again for reading. Sorry it's not a great update. Sometimes I just can't put everything into words.
Sending baby dust and happy thoughts to you all!
You're not alone. I've felt the same way. I just wish I had hobbies to fill my time. I don't know how people go through this month after month, let alone year after year. Keep your chin up....I'm sending you baby dust!
ReplyDeleteYou know honestly I feel the exact same way. I am on a month waiting due to a cyst. It's actually the first month that I haven't stressed out since I am on birth control. Pills to get rid of the cysts. Good luck as you figure out your next steps.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. I wish you both the best as well!!
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