Apparently it's been so long since I've been to my doctor's office that a parking garage has been built. lol It's not totally done but still....It was less than a hole the last time I was there.
They also changed some paperwork stuff, etc. The biggest thing to me was how we find out our results. We used to call in to a voicemail type of system. They would leave you your results and instructions for later. Now, it's all online.
Nifty. Not really...since you need IE version 7 or higher...which is only accessed at home. So even though the results are still entered by 3, I won't get them to much, much later.
I did check it though...and it is kinda cool. I just won't like having to log on and all that mumbo jumbo when sometimes I don't want to look at my computer. Oh well.
My instructions were to come back for blood work again next Wednesday or whenever I get my period.
There was no scrolling banner reading YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! YAY!!! or anything.
Actually it said that it looks like I'm going to ovulate soon so I need to come back in. Um...what happened to my other follicle??
And why do I feel like I've had PMS forever and a day? And did I sleep through my period...because oh yeah...I didn't get it. I guess I could send a response asking why I didn't get my period but they don't know...so they don't speculate.
Unless there was some other reason to deal with it. The HCG was not positive though...if I read that correctly.
So my body is confusing...no surprise there.
When most people miss their period by 3 WHOLE WEEKS, usually that means they are preggers.
But not me....nope...I get to sit and stew some more.
The good news is though ...hopefully this means we are closer to doing out FET which is what we were going for in the first place.
Due to work issues and insurance, etc....this may be our last attempt for awhile. A long while. And PLEASE do not say that "maybe it will happen on its own".
I think even Hubs wanted us to be pregnant on our own. He thought that would be kinda ironic...but it looks like that's not the case.
Overall, disappointing....as usual. BUT not a lose-lose situation because we're still aiming at getting this figured out.
I just feel like I'm losing hope that it will ever work though.
Some days I even think that maybe it's not such a big deal if we don't have kids. Then I smack myself and look into my heart...knowing that it is a huge deal.
HUGE.
I'm not giving up....I'm not giving up....
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I have a slight confession to make...
I've been leaving out important information revolving my IF etc lately. Honestly, it's nothing personal...I just felt like if I talked about it, I would jinx it. And hopefully as I say it now, I hope I'm not doing exactly that.
May 27th was when I found out that my first IVF did not work.
May 28th I got my period...adding salt to my wounds.
June 7- Dr. consultation on what to do next (decided on FET with next cycle) Also had a 12mm folicle.
June 28 -Expected my period...but it didn't come.
July 3 and 4 (in KY with family)...only had 2 VERY light spots each night. Barely anything.
July 17...Still no period yet.
I have a doctor's appointment pending some time this week but I've been playing phone tag. Plus, because I haven't actually had my period yet, they had to run it by my insurance first.
So I'm thinking maybe Tues, Wed, or Thurs. When I talked to one of the nurses, she said they might have to induce my cycle. Not sure how...but I know they will check everything first.
No, I have not done a POAS test because frankly...I'm afraid.
The chances of being pregnant naturally is sooooooooooooooo slim that I really try not to get my hopes up. BUT after 19 days or whatever of no period...my mind does wander. Of course I want to be and of course I hope that's the case. I've even held off calling the doctor a little because once they look and see nothing there...all that possibility that had been building up...will be crushed.
I don't want to be crushed.
I don't know if the IVF stuff did this (even though I got my period right after I found out it didn't work). I don't know if my meds or antibiotic that I had for a little while did it....
Or if by some miracle, everything came in line and it worked on its own.
Man, I REALLY want to believe that. I REALLY want that to be the case. But part of my heart is just so sad from all of the other bad news...it finds it hard to believe in the positive.
So my upcoming appointment is going to be quite hard on me, but I know it's necessary. I kept telling myself last week that I needed to call the Dr because if there was a baby in there, I owed it to him or her to start getting the proper care, etc. Even if there isn't, I hope there isn't some new issue we have to resolve before starting the FET.
I'm going to attempt to think about it in a positive way...Either I could be preggers YAY or I could be on my way to doing a FET.
In a nutshell, I don't know what's going on with my body...as usual. If there is something wrong again, it worries me that my ability to get pregnant is going to be even harder than it already is.
I don't know what to do. Any words or wisdom or from experience??
I've been leaving out important information revolving my IF etc lately. Honestly, it's nothing personal...I just felt like if I talked about it, I would jinx it. And hopefully as I say it now, I hope I'm not doing exactly that.
May 27th was when I found out that my first IVF did not work.
May 28th I got my period...adding salt to my wounds.
June 7- Dr. consultation on what to do next (decided on FET with next cycle) Also had a 12mm folicle.
June 28 -Expected my period...but it didn't come.
July 3 and 4 (in KY with family)...only had 2 VERY light spots each night. Barely anything.
July 17...Still no period yet.
I have a doctor's appointment pending some time this week but I've been playing phone tag. Plus, because I haven't actually had my period yet, they had to run it by my insurance first.
So I'm thinking maybe Tues, Wed, or Thurs. When I talked to one of the nurses, she said they might have to induce my cycle. Not sure how...but I know they will check everything first.
No, I have not done a POAS test because frankly...I'm afraid.
The chances of being pregnant naturally is sooooooooooooooo slim that I really try not to get my hopes up. BUT after 19 days or whatever of no period...my mind does wander. Of course I want to be and of course I hope that's the case. I've even held off calling the doctor a little because once they look and see nothing there...all that possibility that had been building up...will be crushed.
I don't want to be crushed.
I don't know if the IVF stuff did this (even though I got my period right after I found out it didn't work). I don't know if my meds or antibiotic that I had for a little while did it....
Or if by some miracle, everything came in line and it worked on its own.
Man, I REALLY want to believe that. I REALLY want that to be the case. But part of my heart is just so sad from all of the other bad news...it finds it hard to believe in the positive.
So my upcoming appointment is going to be quite hard on me, but I know it's necessary. I kept telling myself last week that I needed to call the Dr because if there was a baby in there, I owed it to him or her to start getting the proper care, etc. Even if there isn't, I hope there isn't some new issue we have to resolve before starting the FET.
I'm going to attempt to think about it in a positive way...Either I could be preggers YAY or I could be on my way to doing a FET.
In a nutshell, I don't know what's going on with my body...as usual. If there is something wrong again, it worries me that my ability to get pregnant is going to be even harder than it already is.
I don't know what to do. Any words or wisdom or from experience??
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
5 Ramblings
Howdy bloggers!
How is everyone doing??
It looks like I have some new followers. WELCOME! :)
I haven't been on in awhile...I know, I am bad.
Frankly, not much has been going on in the world of IF and sometimes I just don't know what to say. Amazing, I know. Usually I'm all sorts of rambles and babbles at least.
Anyways...
Some things I've been thinking about randomly lately...
1. The Casey Anthony case is well...totally upsetting. I mean, NOT GUILTY?! I hope they find the crazy biatch or whomever did that to that little girl then if it's not the mom. Ugh...
2. Do you ever feel like IF totally dominates your life? On several more recent occasions, I've noticed a few glimpses here and there at the "real me". I was at a friend's wedding (HOLLA :)) in June and another friend was like "look! it's party Jill" while we were dancing (soberly) on the dance floor. Who knew I could dance like an idiot while drunk or sober? :)
I also fell too and ended up with a NASTY bruise on my butt. Dance fail. lol
But there are other times driving in the car and dancing stupidly to some good songs or other things I say, or the way I laugh, or just actually smiling about something for once.
I guess I should mention that I'm not totally an unhappy person by any means. Sure, some things in life suck right now but that doesn't mean I'm totally depressed.
However, I do think that those glimpses remind me that wait...maybe...things have changed. IF does that to you. All of these people around you (with IF too or not ) seem to be getting pregnant. I can't even tell you how many people are preggers on Facebook with their SECOND baby and their firsts just turned 1 or 2.
It does something to my heart...and just overall well-being. It's like a crushing or suffocating sensation you can never get away from. You're sinking and no one is helping. Actually, everyone around you is laughing at your inability to fix your predicament.
Dramatic? Yeah, a little...but that's how it feels.
People talking about how they are going to "try" to get pregnant or how they don't even prevent it but don't really want to get preggers...makes my heart twinge in the most guilty way. Because I feel jealous. Sometimes I feel like the freaking Hulk because I'm so green.
3. We went to visit Hubby's parents/family over the Fourth of July holiday. It was fun but a really short trip. Before we left, Hubs tells me that he wants to finally tell his parents everything. Well, I've been saying all along that he should tell them. But with his dad's cancer last November and everything...it didn't seem like a good time. So that I understood.
So we told them...and it wasn't the epic disaster I had imagined it would be. I think 17 scenarios has played in my brain since he mentioned he wanted to tell them. They took it pretty well actually. Although, his mom did say "There's nothing wrong with you though, right?" to my Hubs.
I try not to take that personally. I own up to my hyperprolactinemia. I don't hide from it. It's not like I can change it. All I can do is take a pill for it. And since they are so religious, they probably can agree that somewhere along the line God chose this for me.
I just hope he chooses to let the doctors help me so that we can have our own biological baby and I can have the honor of feeling pregnant.
(Is that going to come back to haunt me one day when I'm barfing uncontrollably in the toilet?) :)
To add to that...we found out that Hubs' sister who is 6 yrs older than him is finally ...maybe....trying to have baby. Her husband of 5 yrs hasn't really had the desire for children. I'm not entirely sure why but it might have to do with time or money or just not sure he's physically up for it. Anyways, he said if she let him buy a truck he's been wanting, she could throw out her pills.
Does it make me a horrible person because I had a FLEETING thought of... I hope we get pregnant first?
I hope not. But in my defense, I did remind myself that she is almost 10 yrs older than me and it would still be a good thing for them if they got pregnant...even if it was before us.
I felt a little bad for even thinking that but we've been through so much...so it's not like I'm totally being selfish here. Right?!
4. Then there's my little niece E. She's soooo cute and will be 2 in October. For some reason my Hubs spent more time trying to win her over than I did. I feel bad that she doesn't really know us because she only sees us 2x a year. So really that's only maybe 3 times her whole life so far. I can understand her hesitancy. He also looks A LOT like her dad. They are 23 months apart and definitely have some common features.
Heck, his aunt and uncle called them the wrong names at the party. lol
Either way, we watched the Wiggles with her and watched in play in the inflatable princess castle ball pit thing I got her as an early birthday present.
And all the while I was sitting there hoping and praying that maybe this time next year, we'll have a baby and E will be almost 3.
5. I have learned the hard way that nothing is as it seems and everything can be different in an hour, a day, or even a minute. One phone call can make you go from happy and smiling to tears and sobbing.
Okay...enough rambling for now. Talk to you soon...I hope. And lurkers and/or followers, please feel free to send me some comments. :)
I do try to look at those once in awhile...even if I don't have a lot to say.
G'night
How is everyone doing??
It looks like I have some new followers. WELCOME! :)
I haven't been on in awhile...I know, I am bad.
Frankly, not much has been going on in the world of IF and sometimes I just don't know what to say. Amazing, I know. Usually I'm all sorts of rambles and babbles at least.
Anyways...
Some things I've been thinking about randomly lately...
1. The Casey Anthony case is well...totally upsetting. I mean, NOT GUILTY?! I hope they find the crazy biatch or whomever did that to that little girl then if it's not the mom. Ugh...
2. Do you ever feel like IF totally dominates your life? On several more recent occasions, I've noticed a few glimpses here and there at the "real me". I was at a friend's wedding (HOLLA :)) in June and another friend was like "look! it's party Jill" while we were dancing (soberly) on the dance floor. Who knew I could dance like an idiot while drunk or sober? :)
I also fell too and ended up with a NASTY bruise on my butt. Dance fail. lol
But there are other times driving in the car and dancing stupidly to some good songs or other things I say, or the way I laugh, or just actually smiling about something for once.
I guess I should mention that I'm not totally an unhappy person by any means. Sure, some things in life suck right now but that doesn't mean I'm totally depressed.
However, I do think that those glimpses remind me that wait...maybe...things have changed. IF does that to you. All of these people around you (with IF too or not ) seem to be getting pregnant. I can't even tell you how many people are preggers on Facebook with their SECOND baby and their firsts just turned 1 or 2.
It does something to my heart...and just overall well-being. It's like a crushing or suffocating sensation you can never get away from. You're sinking and no one is helping. Actually, everyone around you is laughing at your inability to fix your predicament.
Dramatic? Yeah, a little...but that's how it feels.
People talking about how they are going to "try" to get pregnant or how they don't even prevent it but don't really want to get preggers...makes my heart twinge in the most guilty way. Because I feel jealous. Sometimes I feel like the freaking Hulk because I'm so green.
3. We went to visit Hubby's parents/family over the Fourth of July holiday. It was fun but a really short trip. Before we left, Hubs tells me that he wants to finally tell his parents everything. Well, I've been saying all along that he should tell them. But with his dad's cancer last November and everything...it didn't seem like a good time. So that I understood.
So we told them...and it wasn't the epic disaster I had imagined it would be. I think 17 scenarios has played in my brain since he mentioned he wanted to tell them. They took it pretty well actually. Although, his mom did say "There's nothing wrong with you though, right?" to my Hubs.
I try not to take that personally. I own up to my hyperprolactinemia. I don't hide from it. It's not like I can change it. All I can do is take a pill for it. And since they are so religious, they probably can agree that somewhere along the line God chose this for me.
I just hope he chooses to let the doctors help me so that we can have our own biological baby and I can have the honor of feeling pregnant.
(Is that going to come back to haunt me one day when I'm barfing uncontrollably in the toilet?) :)
To add to that...we found out that Hubs' sister who is 6 yrs older than him is finally ...maybe....trying to have baby. Her husband of 5 yrs hasn't really had the desire for children. I'm not entirely sure why but it might have to do with time or money or just not sure he's physically up for it. Anyways, he said if she let him buy a truck he's been wanting, she could throw out her pills.
Does it make me a horrible person because I had a FLEETING thought of... I hope we get pregnant first?
I hope not. But in my defense, I did remind myself that she is almost 10 yrs older than me and it would still be a good thing for them if they got pregnant...even if it was before us.
I felt a little bad for even thinking that but we've been through so much...so it's not like I'm totally being selfish here. Right?!
4. Then there's my little niece E. She's soooo cute and will be 2 in October. For some reason my Hubs spent more time trying to win her over than I did. I feel bad that she doesn't really know us because she only sees us 2x a year. So really that's only maybe 3 times her whole life so far. I can understand her hesitancy. He also looks A LOT like her dad. They are 23 months apart and definitely have some common features.
Heck, his aunt and uncle called them the wrong names at the party. lol
Either way, we watched the Wiggles with her and watched in play in the inflatable princess castle ball pit thing I got her as an early birthday present.
And all the while I was sitting there hoping and praying that maybe this time next year, we'll have a baby and E will be almost 3.
5. I have learned the hard way that nothing is as it seems and everything can be different in an hour, a day, or even a minute. One phone call can make you go from happy and smiling to tears and sobbing.
Okay...enough rambling for now. Talk to you soon...I hope. And lurkers and/or followers, please feel free to send me some comments. :)
I do try to look at those once in awhile...even if I don't have a lot to say.
G'night
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