Until Proven Otherwise

Well, I had a whole blog post in my head ready to write...but I just don't have it in me to write it all right now. Sorry.

I'm not pregnant. On day 10dp5dt, I found out that it didn't work. 2 perfect embies were not enough...

Was it the stress from my current (soon to be ex) job?

Was it the timing?

Was it something with my body?

I don't understand how it didn't work. I really don't. My dad said it might have been a battle lost but didn't mean that the war was over.

Of course as I was crying hysterically while  watching the ending of The Tooth Fairy (lol)...it seemed like everything was over.

We don't have a solid plan but we're going to do whatever we can to do a frozen embryo transfer ASAP. I don't know how soon we can do it but we're going to fight tooth and nail to do that before we move, etc.

And somehow figure out our insurance issues.

This has not been a good week. I'm ready for it to be over.

I will not give up on my dreams to become a mom. Thoughts about looking into adoption came into my head today. We didn't discuss it because frankly, it's hard to talk while you're sobbing. But I might mention it. I know it's very involved but I don't know what we'd need to do if we wanted to pursue it aggressively.

I don't know why this happens to us. I feel for all of you who have done this before. And I am still glad for those of you that it works on the first try.

But I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Welcome new followers. Hopefully not all of the posts will such downers.

If you're just starting this process, still keep the hope and positivity you need to get through this. I know my story doesn't seem very uplifting right now but it's still better to hope than not to. Honestly, I couldn't keep the feelings of fear and panic at bay all of the time but I tried to remain positive as much as I could. To me, that's a better way to go through this...even when the outcome is not what we wanted or hoped for.

Sticky vibes and baby dust to everyone!