PUPO....

PUPO = Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise...

I find this slightly hard to wrap my head around. Even when the dr told me today that they consider me pregnant until the beta test...it's a little hard to swallow.

I WANT to be pregnant. I WANT a healthy pregnancy and baby. But I REALLY DO NOT want to be proven otherwise!

How awful to go the next 10 days (yes my 2ww is less than 2 weeks) will be getting my hopes up? Obviously, I am trying to think as positively as possible, but it really, truly is hard to allow myself to get excited about that. Every twinge, pinch, boob issue, etc makes you think something or worry about something but it could just be the medicine. And actually...sometimes it's just gas. lol

Basically, I am just going to TRY my hardest to take it one day at a time. Do my crinone in the morning and the POI at night. Live life in between and see what happens.

A nurse gave me a list of ways to say sane while we wait...The first one was very straight forward stating that there is nothing I can do. Worrying won't affect the outcome just as much as doing a baby rain dance in the front yard. Okay, I made that part up...but it's something I tell myself over and over. There's nothing I can do.

In fact, it's still in God's hands. People who think IVF treatments are "playing God" are very misled. God still has the ultimate choice to decide if those eggs fertilize and/or if they implant correctly, grow like they're suppose to, and then come into the world as a little persoin.

So really...I got some assistance..oh yeah...but I don't have much say in how it goes. I would love to get my way but I know by now that it doesn't always happen.

Okay...let me back up and tell you about the actual transfer experience. Either I haven't Googled enough or read the forums enough or maybe haven't read blogs enough...but I didn't come across this ever.

Now I am sharing it with you. A little TMI might be in there...just a forewarning.

DH went to work so when it came time to drive to the doctor's office, I drove to his work and dropped off my car. He was already in his car. This actually makes me laugh. With all of his anxiety about this, it's little things like being ready waiting for me that makes me happy he's on board.

Anyways, while he's driving and we're talking about insurance and crap like that, I'm drinking my at least 18oz of water. Rewind to the previous two nights where I've been peeing all the time. This happens from time to time...but it's probably because of how much water and OJ I drank before bed. Oops.

Now back to the transfer. You need a full bladder. Well, even though I peed like 2 times before I left the house, I still felt like I could pee. So drinking 18 MORE oz of water was surely going to make me have to pee.

In fact, I could pee right now. lol But I'll keep going.

We get to the office early. We waited for awhile before a nurse took us into one of the IUI rooms to talk to us and have me change. Since DH was coming with, he had to put on a gown like a jacket and one on backwards. He's a big guy...6 ft 8in tall. So he wasn't very comfortable. He had to wear booties and a hairnet too. The hair net seemed pointless since he barely has any and the booties only covered his feet without shoes.

I had to take off my undies and pants. I chose to take off my shoes too. So I had a gown on, open in the back (awesome), booties on my feet, a hair net, and a blanket so I didn't flash anyone down the hall.

Then we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally the embryologist came in and told us about the embryos. We didn't have all of the fertilize because of them were not mature enough. It's kinda complicated and I really don't understand it...so I will just keep going. She said our embryos looked awesome. One was a 4AA and one was a 3AA but she thought it might have been a  4 by the time we did the transfer.

So all in all, that means...they looked great. They were doing what they needed to do. So far.

We signed more papers....and then waited.

And waited.

And waited.

FINALLY we go into this dark little room...and they put me in this chair. Remember, I've done IUIs before. This was far from it. The chair moved so my head was down and my butt  etc was IN THE AIR.

Have you ever been to a carnival or amusement park ride that has a simulator with or without virtual reality? It was kinda like that...but WORSE.

Or think of your favorite rollercoaster as it goes up slowly getting ready to take the first plunge down....Now imagine not wearing any underwear with several people standing around your girly parts.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?!

Yeah not so much. Anyways...the other dr that I didn't know was doing the ultrasound over the belly but was standing on some kind of stool to be able to press down do they could position the catheter to the right place.

Again, all these people are doing things in and around my vagina. It doesn't really hurt. The speculum is a bit uncomfortable and the awkwardness is palpable, but this is there job. They also had this lovely light that DH called a "spelunking" light. Spelunking is usually a term used for exploring caves...but I see where he thought it fit here. lol

So after a trial run of the catheter's position, they finally "load" it with the embies and insert them.

Apparently you can actually see where they are in my uterus after they put them in there. I even have a picture of it. This nearly made me cry but I also really couldn't see what they were talking about.

Now I've had to pee for over an hour, I was MORTIFIED that all these people were in my crouch and I didn't shave. I mean, I wasn't the Amazon rainforest or anything, but still! The first time to do a wax would have been today...

Oh well.

DH sat next to me the whole time. I think he finally saw some of what I have to go through. He kept telling me that a camera up his penis was worse but I think he was just trying to be funny and take some of the awkwardness off of me.

We had a small celebratory lunch before I headed home for a quick rest before babysitting.

The doctor said that best rest or putting your legs in the air does not actually increase pregnancy rates. And strangely enough, the first thing I did after this monumental occasion was go to the bathroom. Part of me worried they would fall out in doing so. I was assured that this wouldn't happen.

The waiting begins to see if this FINALLY works and we will get to meet our sweet baby or babies in 9 months.

Not thinking about it is awfully hard...but I hope to have a few distractions along the way. I have work and a bachelorette party for a best friend, and whatever else I can do in the mean time.

May 27th is my beta test day but I won't know til 3pm probably. That will be the LONGEST day.

Thanks again for all of your support. Time for bed and a trip to the bathroom!  :)