Looking Back, Periods, and Waiting

My last post talks about having a weird period over a year ago....before we knew anything was going on.

Now it seems this month has been weird as well. I don't know what the heck is up with my body this month.

Feb. 4th, we got the bad news that IUI #3 didn't work.

Feb. 5th, I got my period...and was very sick for a few days after.

Feb. 18th, I had light brown spotting that almost completely disappeared the next day.

Feb. 23, I have brownish spotting again. I called into the doctor's office concerned that we have nothing ready for the IVF cycle we're about to do ...and I'm worried I am getting my period earlier than expected. The nurse tells me I am about a week or more early and I should wait until it's day 1 of full flow. Great. Now I get to play the waiting game. She's not my favorite nurse, but she certainly isn't bad. I just wish she had been a tad more understanding.

This is a big deal to me.

I've had significant periods in my life...Like the first one while I was on vacation with my grandma, aunt, and sister. I thought something awful was happening to me. I hid my dirty laundry only to have my mom (gasp) find it later. She knew right away what it was and wondered why I hadn't told my aunt or grandma. I thought I was dying! Not something I wanted to share over a vacation. Luckily, I can look back on that and laugh.

Once in middle school ( WARNING TMI MOMENT APPROACHING)....I had a HORRIBLE period right in the middle of science class. It was everywhere. This was so traumatic that I have suppressed most of the memory. I remember wearing this awful Lion King outfit. That is STILL one of my fave movies but how I left the house in that outfit...I do not know. lol Anyways, I remember my dad picking me up from school...that's how bad it was. Sometimes I hope it was a bad dream but it's too vivid and embarrassing.

Every period I got after the age of 17 and when I started "doing it" lol was a relief. I was in love with my high school boyfriend and we were just having fun. But knowing what I know now, THANK GOD we didn't have a pregnancy scare or actually had a baby. Back then there were moments I thought about marrying him...I did...but omgoodness...I am SO glad that didn't happen. So, every month when that week rolled around, we breathed a sigh of relief. We were always careful....but that's what most people say.

The year of 2009, almost every period was depressing. I was no longer on birth control and frankly we weren't preventing a baby at all. We were trying here and there. Some months more seriously and some months just having fun and seeing what happens. There was one in particular that really upset me though. It was in April and I had what the books say is "implantation" bleeding. Exactly what the book says. Then a week before I was going to take a pregnancy test, I got my period. Or what I thought was my period.

I was devastated. I remember calling my mom and crying on the phone. True, I didn't know for sure anything was going on there but it felt like a missed opportunity.

Flash forward to 2010...and I started having weird periods. I go to the doctor and have blood work done. Sure enough...something IS wrong.

Now I am about 8 months of pills, 1 brain MRI, countless ultrasounds and blood tests, 3 IUIs later....and waiting for what will probably be the most important period of my life. Period as in time as well as in menstral cycle.

And this nurse wants me to wait.

Okay....sure...

I guess I've waited this long....a little more waiting won't hurt.

Yeah, right.