Another One Bites the Dust

I just logged into my Myspace account for the first time in over a year. I stick to Facebook nowadays. It was getting to be too much having both. Anyways, I found the following entry. To me, this is interesting because it was a little less than a year before I found out about what was going on. Such a weird thing to have foreshadowed....

August 2009

I have a wonderful mother...who has become one of my best friends. So I guess it's not that strange that I would want to be a mother. At this point, I'm married and have a pretty good life. Jobwise it could be better but I don't know when the "right" time will be. Does anyone? I just know that I continue to get my heart broken. Recently I had the WEIRDEST period EVER! I had every pregnancy sign including sore and tender breasts and I was craving cheeseburgers. All points and signs lead me to believe this could be the month...the month I found out I was pregnant. My period was a few days late and as luck would have it...5 days later...I'm heartbroken again. The blood flow was weird and the way I felt was weird but the stick didn't have two lines. Does that mean its foolproof? No but I think I'm done with disappointment for today. We haven't been trying but we havent been preventing it either. So...I don't know. Seems like I may have had my hopes too high this time around. I hope nothing is wrong with being able to conceive or stay pregnant. I guess it's just the way it goes. I can't listen to my body though because it lies or misleads me. I guess there's always next month....


The weird thing is...not much as changed. Yes, we know what we're faced with now....but it's amazing how far we've come and yet how we're still in the same place.

I'd like to add something...I commented on someone else's blog and I thought I should post it as a reminder for later.

In a perfect world, we wouldn't even need a place [retreat for IF patients] like that. No one would have problems having babies.

But this isn't a perfect world...and frankly, going through all of this sucks. But hope is all I have. What you said makes sense, but faith, love, and hope are really important right now.

People in all sorts of situations are able to have hope and I have to remind myself sometimes to have that hope. I can't let it slip away. I can't give up.

I want this too damn badly to do that.

So on a day when I feel completely hopeless....I can look back and see my own words...and know that I was right.... I need to have hope. Always.