In less than 7 hours, I need to be on my way to my dr appt. True, it's a simple blood test but I am freaking out. The anxiety this time around feels SO much more intense.
I don't have high hopes for good news. I know, I know...I should think positive. But it's really hard to put your heart on the line every month like this. I don't know what's going to happen after this time either. Do we do our last Clomid with IUI or do we move on to injectables with IUI? Will there be more testing for me and DH? Will IVF become a possibility?
I really truly wish that this is the month we got pregnant and are going to stay pregnant until we have a healthy baby. In my heart of hearts, depth of my soul...etc...this is my heart's desire.
But I am so afraid it won't happen. Not even just now...but ever.
I'm not looking forward to the phone call from or to the insurance people asking them about what will be covered....
And if it's not good news, I really hope the insurance people wait until I can find out from the doctor. That was awful.
Who am I kidding? It didn't matter how I found out...it was still devastating.
If by some miracle, this was the IUI that worked....I will be EXTREMELY excited and I'm sure DH will be a little stunned. lol
But I will also be on pins and needles hoping that everything goes well.
Is this it?? Are the feelings I'm having not actually PMS?
Or am I in for a HUGE emotional pit of despair tomorrow?
I'm voting for .....
It's the BEST day ever!!! (See? That's be trying to be optimistic.)
By the way, it's also 3 and a half years of being married. Gosh, I hope that's a good sign....It's so hard to go through this.
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