Next Baby Step... Here I Come

Wow...I have been a slacker lately. Sorry....I guess I'm still having some problems expressing myself right now. Plus, there hasn't been too much going on in the world of IF.

I never thought we would be here...in this place...needing drugs and needles and doctors to make a baby. But we are...and it's going to start soon.

First step is birth control pills. I should start those this week and take them for 10-21 days. After that I'm a little vague on the details. I don't know what's going to happen.

I'm scared I won't react well to the meds.

I'm scared something is going to happen with our insurance and put a stop to our IVF plan.

I'm scared I won't have enough eggs.

I'm scared it won't work.

I've always loved kids. Kids have been the main driving force in my career choices and activities outside of work. I babysit, I "parent", I go to hockey games and dance recitals (of kids I used to taught and/or still babysit). I scour the baby aisles and clearance for my niece.

Everything has always revolved around OTHER people's kids.

And over the last few years/8 months, it seems like it's starting to revolve around trying to have one of our own.

I know some people think I'm obsessive...and really I'm not. I've been good about it for last month or so because there hasn't been much to talk about. But going through this experience requires a certain level of commitment, don't you think?

I can 't walk around not thinking about it or not caring.  THAT would be crazy.

I want a baby and I can't have one the "normal" way.

SO sue me if it bothers you that this has taken over parts of my life.

I never wanted it to be this way. Hubby doesn't  want it to be this way either. Trust me, he'd rather "practice" and do the baby dance instead.

But....it's not in the cards right now. We need divine intervention and meds.

The funny thing is I am babysitting overnight for two nights. On Tuesday morning I will probably have to get them off to school and then literally run to the doctor's office to do my blood work and ultrasound before they give me the go ahead for the BCP. Should make for an interesting morning.

Again...someone ELSE's kids....that I love.

But I have so much more love to give...to my own children.

Hopefully this is it...

Hopefully this is what we've been waiting for... :)

But on the other hand, like they say....be careful what you wish for. :) Just 1 or 2 healthy happy babies please!!

Baby dust to us all :)