5 Ramblings

Howdy bloggers!

How is everyone doing??

It looks like I have some new followers. WELCOME! :)

I haven't been on in awhile...I know, I am bad.

Frankly, not much has been going on in the world of IF and sometimes I just don't know what to say. Amazing, I know. Usually I'm all sorts of rambles and babbles at least.

Anyways...

Some things I've been thinking about randomly lately...

1. The Casey Anthony case is well...totally upsetting. I mean, NOT GUILTY?! I hope they find the crazy biatch or whomever did that to that little girl then if it's not the mom. Ugh...

2. Do you ever feel like IF totally dominates your life? On several more recent occasions, I've noticed a few glimpses here and there at the "real me". I was at a friend's wedding (HOLLA :)) in June and another friend was like "look! it's party Jill" while we were dancing (soberly) on the dance floor. Who knew I could dance like an idiot while drunk or sober? :)

I also fell too and ended up with a NASTY bruise on my butt. Dance fail. lol

But there are other times driving in the car and dancing stupidly to some good songs or other things I say, or the way I laugh, or just actually smiling about something for once.

I guess I should mention that I'm not totally an unhappy person by any means. Sure, some things in life suck right now but that doesn't mean I'm totally depressed.

However, I do think that those glimpses remind me that wait...maybe...things have changed. IF does that to you. All of these people around you (with IF too or not ) seem to be getting pregnant. I can't even tell you how many people are preggers on Facebook with their SECOND baby and their firsts just turned 1 or 2.

It does something to my heart...and just overall well-being. It's like a crushing or suffocating sensation you can never get away from. You're sinking and no one is helping. Actually, everyone around you is laughing at your inability to fix your predicament.

Dramatic? Yeah, a little...but that's how it feels.

People talking about how they are going to "try" to get pregnant or how they don't even prevent it but don't really want to get preggers...makes my heart twinge in the most guilty way. Because I feel jealous. Sometimes I feel like the freaking Hulk because I'm so green.

3. We went to visit Hubby's parents/family over the Fourth of July holiday. It was fun but a really short trip. Before we left, Hubs tells me that he wants to finally tell his parents everything. Well, I've been saying all along that he should tell them. But with his dad's cancer last November and everything...it didn't seem like a good time. So that I understood.

So we told them...and it wasn't the epic disaster I had imagined it would be. I think 17 scenarios has played in my brain since he mentioned he wanted to tell them. They took it pretty well actually. Although, his mom did say "There's nothing wrong with you though, right?" to my Hubs.

I try not to take that personally. I own up to my hyperprolactinemia. I don't hide from it. It's not like I can change it. All I can do is take a pill for it. And since they are so religious, they probably can agree that somewhere along the line God chose this for me.

I just hope he chooses to let the doctors help me so that we can have our own biological baby and I can have the honor of feeling pregnant.

(Is that going to come back to haunt me one day when I'm barfing uncontrollably in the toilet?) :)

To add to that...we found out that Hubs' sister who is 6 yrs older than him is finally ...maybe....trying to have baby. Her husband of 5 yrs  hasn't really had the desire for children. I'm not entirely sure why but it might have to do with time or money or just not sure he's physically up for it. Anyways, he said if she let him buy a truck he's been wanting, she could throw out her pills.

Does it make me a horrible person because I had a  FLEETING thought of... I hope we get pregnant first?

I hope not. But in my defense, I did remind myself that she is almost 10 yrs older than me and it would still be a good thing for them if they got pregnant...even if it was before us.

I felt a little bad for even thinking that but we've been through so much...so it's not like I'm totally being selfish here. Right?!

4. Then there's my little niece E. She's soooo cute and will be 2 in October. For some reason my Hubs spent more time trying to win her over than I did. I feel bad that she doesn't really know us because she only sees us 2x a year. So really that's only maybe 3 times her whole life so far. I can understand her hesitancy. He also looks A LOT like her dad. They are 23 months apart and definitely have some common features.

Heck, his aunt and uncle called them the wrong names at the party. lol

Either way, we watched the Wiggles with her and watched in play in the inflatable princess castle ball pit thing I got her as an early birthday present.

And all the while I was sitting there hoping and praying that maybe this time next year, we'll have a baby and  E will be almost 3.

5. I have learned the hard way that nothing is as it seems and everything can be different in an hour, a day, or even a minute. One phone call can make you go from happy and smiling to tears and sobbing.


Okay...enough rambling for now. Talk to you soon...I hope. And lurkers and/or followers, please feel free to send me some comments. :)

I do try to look at those once in awhile...even if I don't have a lot to say.

G'night