Some people might think it's like Christmas getting all of these things. I was greeted Tuesday with a huge box of IVF meds.
I have to say that no birthday or Christmas present has ever scared me so much.
I know a lot of people say it's not that big of a deal or that it's not as scary as it looks. Well, I truly hope they are right because fear definitely crept in.
The big picture, bottom line, end result, or whatever you want to call it...is ALL that is keeping me from sending it back, calling the doc, and telling them there's NO way I am doing this.
It's starting to set in...and the main thing I thought of when I looked at all of these meds was... "Why can't we just have sex and get pregnant?"
This question has probably been asked by all IF patients many, many times. But it seemed have even more weight looking at all the needles, syringes and vials of meds.
225 units of Menopar a day, 225 of Follistim...PLUS whatever else. For those of you not in the world of IF, that's a LOT. More than the average person.
So I ask you...are you STILL going to tell me that it's "so possible it could still happen naturally" or "maybe you don't even need all of that"?
I didn't think so.
Best of intentions? Yes...but it doesn't help. Just letting you know.
Either way, I feel like I'm embarking on this insane journey that could have several different endings. Some good, some not so good. Some terrifying, some disappointing, and some more magical than anything I could have ever dreamed of.
So I'm sticking to the positive. If I want to have a baby (or babies), this is how it's going to happen. As my doc said, "it's a lot of needles. Get over it."
Sucking it up and "manning" up I guess is what it will take.
And hey, at least I got a free book. lol
Actually, the biggest blessing so far is that we actually HAVE the opportunity to do this. Our insurance rocks right now *knock on wood* and is covering most of it. Our out of pocket is very minimal. Some people pay thousands of dollars for that box of medicine. I won't say how much we got it for, but let's just say...THANK GOD we have the insurance that we do.
The credit goes to Hubby on that one. It's a long story but he's doing what he can to allow us the opportunity of the insurance.
Not everyone is so lucky.
I'm not sure I could handle doing this multiple times knowing it still might not work. BUT I am willing to do what I have to, TRY to stay positive, and hope with all hope that I am not a crazy psycho bitch when I'm on my meds.
For those of you who know me personally (and those who at least read what I write :)), don't say I didn't warn you. :)
April 26th-Meet with RE, stop bcps
April 30th-Start stims
I think by mid-May or a tad earlier the whole cycle will have been completed (except for the news of whether or not it worked).
So if you are the praying type, or even just the "good thoughts" type...I will need them now more than ever. I appreciate them all.
I'd like to send out my own thoughts and prayers to a very special new friend that will be getting the news of a lifetime on Friday. Please join me in wishing her and her hubby the best.
For the rest of you, I employ you to share your stories as well as seek the friendship and support of people who know what you're going through (or about to go through). Baby dust and sticky vibes to you all as well.
Til then,
Take care. :)
You're going to be awesome at this!!!! Yes it's scary....yes "it's a lot of needles." yes it's going to cause discomfort and probably even some pain......but the end result is what we're looking at! I'll be here to hold your hand....I promise!!!
ReplyDeleteI know it's typically awful and scary, but to me, the upside of all this stuff and all the needles and all the treatment is - you are DOING something! I hated the ~6mos it took to get all of my diagnostic work done. Every month was a wasted chance. But when you first start a new treatment, everything is possible and you are taking charge of an uncontrollable situation and there is power in just doing that one thing every day (the bcps, the shots, the u/s, the bloodwork, whichever).
ReplyDeleteWhen you are trying to loose a lot of weight, the advice always seems to be stop focusing on the outcome, focus on the process. If you focus on the outcome (a bad day on the scale), you get disappointed and give up hope and then you are heavier than you want to be AND you're depressed. If you focus on the process instead (you ate all your fruit today, you went on a 30 minute walk, whatevs), then you have a success EVERY DAY.
So this kit is a pile of daily successes. The results are not always in your control, but you can control at least some part of the process.
Good luck!!
Best of luck to you!! I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you all. :) I will post more later. I'm running out the door.
ReplyDelete