Happy New Year blogger friends!
I hope your holiday season has been good to you. Now we can all concentrate on paying our bills. lol I actually got some GREAT deals for the holidays but as luck would have it, my bills are still there....and still in need of some TLC. That's what January is for, right? :)
Anyways, I thought I'd reflect on some IF related things from 2011 as well as non-related events....
IF in 2011
*IUI #3 Failed
*IVF #1 Didn't work
*Transfer #1 (2 embies) Didn't stick
Wow, that looks depressing. And I guess it was, to be honest. It also seems like a lot less but there is a LOT that is involved in each process.
We've been taking a break and to be honest, I feel indifferent. Most of the time I'm panicking that our insurance is going to have something bad happen (because that's what happened the other times) but we're okay for now (knock on wood). So I guess the "rush" feeling has declined...and thus my anxiety has also declined.
I can't deny though that there are times I don't know what to feel or think. Or it hits me all at once. Last week or so a friend called me upset that her younger sister was 11 weeks preggo and won't be getting married til the fall of 2012. My friend just got married in the summer and thought she'd be the first to have kids. I totally understand that. After our conversation I saw Christina Perri perform her song, A Thousand Years, for an adoption fundraiser or something on TV (I taped it because I wanted to see Justin Bieber lol). Anyways, I started BAWLING. Part of it was the message of the song, and part of it was the testimonials from foster children of all ages waiting for a home. It's the 3rd thing about adoption that has been said or happened to me recently. We're not opposed to it but we'd like to try all of our other options first. But it does get me to thinking...is this a sign?
I'd like to say that I'm a fairly strong person when it comes to certain things. I can be "youthful"...(my real name even has that as part of its meaning) because I like kid things. Heck, I just got sidetracked with this blog post looking for Batman stuff on Ebay and Amazon. lol I'm totally serious. :)
But I guess part of being strong is knowing that sometimes you have to go through your emotions and not just let them fester and build. I was apparently more emotional for a few days and feelings just came out. Anyways, I can put up a pretty good facade when I need to, but it in the end...it does affect me...whether we're in the middle of treatments or not.
It occurred to me the other day that IF is kinda like a disability. Some people can't see or hear. Some people are missing a limb or have to deal daily with something else. I realize that it is not the same thing...it is only similar in a few ways. I am not comparing myself to a blind or deaf person. However, I do feel like that my infertility does affect my entire life and well-being. Having children with my husband, being a mom, and doing family things together are what I long for....what I desire most.
We've been trying for awhile now with help and without. My husband still remains optimistic, which is HUGELY helpful...but I feel like it is something inside of me that is causing this. It is a part of me...as the lack of sight or hearing is part of other people. I guess I can't really explain it...and I'm not sure those of you not going through IF would really understand...but not being able to have a baby on your own which is a BIOLOGICAL (or supposed to be) ability...feels like a hand I was dealt and therefore something I do not have control over. (holy long run on sentence Batman!)
While others have methods of dealing with their own daily struggles through life, I do have doctors and medicine and procedures to hopefully acquire my dream. So in that sense, I feel that I have a bit of an advantage...and therefore, I can't compare myself totally with those who have many more challenges. I hope no one takes offense to my poorly articulated comparison...or whatever you want to call it.
I told the Hubs that I hope this year we either have our baby or at least get pregnant and are on the way to having our baby(ies). Cross those fingers!
As for non-related events...
*Hubs went on TV
*Family drama
*Started a second job
*Car accident
*Hubs got a new car
*Almost lost our house
*Hubs wrote to Obama about the home loan modification
*(knock on wood) We have our mortgage modification! Thanks to Obama...or at least his staff.
*Best friend got married
*Went to FLORIDA!!!
*Started and quit Nutrisystem (a.k.a Lost 9 and a half lbs but only to gain it back during Christmas lol)
Gosh, I know there was more but I am having a brain fart. lol
Either way, it's hard to paraphrase or summarize 365 days of life. I do find myself acknowledging the blessings I do have in life and trying to focus on that.
I do find happiness in small things and randomly throughout the day, week, or whatever. But I have to say that I am not happy all of the time...I am human. And frankly, another year without a baby does leave a void and a hole in my heart.
We're going to continue to work on feeling better and maybe losing a few pounds before starting again...but I don't know when that will be. We have no timeline and no plan really right now where the IVF stuff is concerned.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes I feel okay and even a little relieved. Other times I feel lost and in need of that peace of mind to hold on to.
For now, knowing that it is at least in the works will have to do. I don't have much of a choice. Either way, I wish you the best in life and your baby journey (if you are currently on one).
Also, CONGRATS (a bit belated) to my friend over at Fertility Frustration on her baby girl born in the beginning of December. :) SO happy for her!!!
Hugs,
TheMrs
"I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more"
-Christina Perri (A Thousand Years)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Happy Holidays!
Hey blog friends,
I just came on here to quickly say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all! :)
I know my hiatus from baby making has caused me to be absent from here, but I appreciate that you stick around.
There is a lot going on in my head but with the holidays and working more...I barely even look at my computer let alone feel like blogging. So, sorry. I will work on that. :)
Again, Happy Holidays!!!!
I just came on here to quickly say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all! :)
I know my hiatus from baby making has caused me to be absent from here, but I appreciate that you stick around.
There is a lot going on in my head but with the holidays and working more...I barely even look at my computer let alone feel like blogging. So, sorry. I will work on that. :)
Again, Happy Holidays!!!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
About Damn Time
Wow...I can't believe it's been that long since I've updated. Oops. Thanks for those of you who have stuck around and didn't delete me. I appreciate it. :)
I guess I can give you the "nutshell" version...
Hubby and I went to Florida at the end of October. It was a much needed break from baby stuff, life, and just everything in between. I have family down there and they let us stay at the motel they run for free. Even better. We got to do a lot of fun things. One of which was take a dinner cruise. Awesome. I think we connected in a way we haven't in a long time. You get so caught up in regular daily life, especially when you're going through IF and TTC, that sometimes you need a refresher.
So we spent time picking seashells in the rain or shopping in an outdoor shopping area in the drizzle (major brownie points to Hubby). We took pictures by silly things and went to the movies at 11:10pm to see Puss in Boots in 3D (which cost $27 just to get in). We played in the sand, and had great dinners at different places. We got to spend time alone and with my aunt and uncle.
It was the first time Hubs had been to an actual beach and/or an ocean or large body of water. He doesn't get outwardly excited all that much but he was having a blast.
Somehow we found each other again.
We even thought about moving down there. Seriously. Maybe we'd move back to the Midwest in the summer because frankly...Florida heat and humidity is kinda crazy sometimes. For us, anyways.
So all in all, it was an AMAZING trip. So much so that I was bummed big time that we had to come home to reality.
We both realized (and verbally said) that we have a lot we could be sad about but somehow we're still happy. I think our pictures prove it.
Now that we've been home for a few weeks, and started a diet (I'll get to that in a moment), we are back to being our normal, sometimes grumpy, selves. :)
However, I do find that we make more of an effort to be supportive or affectionate. We appreciate each other more even when we're cranky.
I think we need a vacation like that more often because it really helped recharge the batteries and put things into perspective.
As for the diet thing, we started Nutrisystem 8 days go. And we've already canceled it. lol
It's not the worst, but it is certainly not the best. The doctor told us it would help if I lost even 20 lbs with the amount of meds and everything I need while doing IVF. So...we're on TEAM BABY now. We even high five sometimes. lol I joke that I'm thinking about getting matching t-shirts. :)
The food isn't the greatest. For instance, I got a turkey hot dog for a lunch choice and it came in a box the size of a DVD. No joke. Today I heated up my pasta meal and someone came in the room thinking something smelled of vomit. Also, no joke. lol
We live for "cheater" days because have the flex plan that allows us to have 2 days off the actual Nutrisystem plan. THANK GOODNESS.
We can't go crazy but we can also eat something we actual enjoy. For Hubs, it's Chipotle (but he scales it down and only eats half). lol For me, it's a few different things. However, I find myself trying to be more cautious and more well-balanced than I used to. I can't go eating a whole pizza or anything on a cheater day but I can compromise a little.
So the goal right now is to start bcps early December... (side note--maybe I should call the doctor about that...) and then shots around New Years.
Then hopefully things will finally work out and we'll get preggers. I'm not banking on it but I sure am hoping.
I am sure there will be more in the world of IF to report on once we start the whole process again. I will be here and there (on the blog). The holidays are crazy...heck, normal life is crazy. I hope all is going with you all.
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
If you are traveling like we are, I hope you have a safe journey.
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
I guess I can give you the "nutshell" version...
Hubby and I went to Florida at the end of October. It was a much needed break from baby stuff, life, and just everything in between. I have family down there and they let us stay at the motel they run for free. Even better. We got to do a lot of fun things. One of which was take a dinner cruise. Awesome. I think we connected in a way we haven't in a long time. You get so caught up in regular daily life, especially when you're going through IF and TTC, that sometimes you need a refresher.
So we spent time picking seashells in the rain or shopping in an outdoor shopping area in the drizzle (major brownie points to Hubby). We took pictures by silly things and went to the movies at 11:10pm to see Puss in Boots in 3D (which cost $27 just to get in). We played in the sand, and had great dinners at different places. We got to spend time alone and with my aunt and uncle.
It was the first time Hubs had been to an actual beach and/or an ocean or large body of water. He doesn't get outwardly excited all that much but he was having a blast.
Somehow we found each other again.
We even thought about moving down there. Seriously. Maybe we'd move back to the Midwest in the summer because frankly...Florida heat and humidity is kinda crazy sometimes. For us, anyways.
So all in all, it was an AMAZING trip. So much so that I was bummed big time that we had to come home to reality.
We both realized (and verbally said) that we have a lot we could be sad about but somehow we're still happy. I think our pictures prove it.
Now that we've been home for a few weeks, and started a diet (I'll get to that in a moment), we are back to being our normal, sometimes grumpy, selves. :)
However, I do find that we make more of an effort to be supportive or affectionate. We appreciate each other more even when we're cranky.
I think we need a vacation like that more often because it really helped recharge the batteries and put things into perspective.
As for the diet thing, we started Nutrisystem 8 days go. And we've already canceled it. lol
It's not the worst, but it is certainly not the best. The doctor told us it would help if I lost even 20 lbs with the amount of meds and everything I need while doing IVF. So...we're on TEAM BABY now. We even high five sometimes. lol I joke that I'm thinking about getting matching t-shirts. :)
The food isn't the greatest. For instance, I got a turkey hot dog for a lunch choice and it came in a box the size of a DVD. No joke. Today I heated up my pasta meal and someone came in the room thinking something smelled of vomit. Also, no joke. lol
We live for "cheater" days because have the flex plan that allows us to have 2 days off the actual Nutrisystem plan. THANK GOODNESS.
We can't go crazy but we can also eat something we actual enjoy. For Hubs, it's Chipotle (but he scales it down and only eats half). lol For me, it's a few different things. However, I find myself trying to be more cautious and more well-balanced than I used to. I can't go eating a whole pizza or anything on a cheater day but I can compromise a little.
So the goal right now is to start bcps early December... (side note--maybe I should call the doctor about that...) and then shots around New Years.
Then hopefully things will finally work out and we'll get preggers. I'm not banking on it but I sure am hoping.
I am sure there will be more in the world of IF to report on once we start the whole process again. I will be here and there (on the blog). The holidays are crazy...heck, normal life is crazy. I hope all is going with you all.
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
If you are traveling like we are, I hope you have a safe journey.
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Hard Pill To Swallow
Initially I planned on a long blog post but I can't seem to get my mind wrapped around it. I didn't post in between the transfer and now because I get caught up in my thoughts and then they run away with me.
But I will at least let you know that I am not pregnant. I pretty much knew it since yesterday. I had a gut feeling but I was hoping that I was super wrong and that I would be pleasantly surprised tonight when I checked the computer.
But nope...
And I haven't cried like the last time yet...but it's coming.
I'm seriously starting to lose hope that it will ever happen. Apparently there is more wrong with me than I thought. But we'll see what the next thing is when we talk to the doctor again.
The idea of IVF again doesn't thrill me but I will keep doing it because I know what I want. I just don't know how to get there yet.
My hubs said that we have each other first and some people don't even have that. This is quite true.
But at some point, having a family becomes a very strong need and desire. But no matter how much bed rest you do, or how much you pray or the things you eat or don't eat...there's no guarantee.
I learned the hard way tonight not to have Facebook open while you are checking your pregnancy results. As soon as you see that it's negative, you see on Facebook that someone announced their pregnancy.
Ouch.
So, how am I feeling? Like I'm about to get pranked by the monthly visitor as a reminder that I am not pregnant. Now I get to bleed for a week so I don't forget it.
Periods are good when you are ready to do a cycle and everything but not when you were desperately hoping you were FINALLY with child.
Weight Watchers and 2 weeks off from life may be added into the next round. Hubs mentioned that I'm not supposed to lift more than 15 lbs and I think he was implying that I carry that in my chest....He may be right about that but I don't think that's what they mean. :)
It might not even be until next year because it's already October 3rd and they stop stims in the beginning or so of December so they don't hit the holidays.
With hubby's insurance/working issue, I don't know what's going to happen. Okay, I know I say that every time but it seems to change or have the possibility of changing...so it's true each time.
He's working there for almost a year and not wanting to but doing it so we can try to have a baby.
The financial stuff rests on him and the making the baby stick relies on me. We're in a bit of a pickle because he's not fond of his situation and I'm not having any luck.
But my inner voice told me that I would get through this...somehow. Maybe it's God's way of getting the message to me.
Tonight we went to Outback because we had a free steak coupon and I decided that we should go before we found out. I figured I'd be too much of a mess to eat in public after finding out. Due to traffic, we took a scenic route, and of course there was a sign that said "It's a hard pill to swallow but stay the course."
Coincidence?? Yeah, I don't think so. God knows he's breaking my heart right now but I am going to try and trust in Him that we will have our miracle.
It does get harder and harder to be positive or at least stay positive. It's hard to believe that it may actually work.
I guess as long as we can still keep going, that's what I'm going to do. When we run out of options or insurance, that's when we think about other alternatives.
That also depends on what the doctor thinks too.
Sigh...
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
But I will at least let you know that I am not pregnant. I pretty much knew it since yesterday. I had a gut feeling but I was hoping that I was super wrong and that I would be pleasantly surprised tonight when I checked the computer.
But nope...
And I haven't cried like the last time yet...but it's coming.
I'm seriously starting to lose hope that it will ever happen. Apparently there is more wrong with me than I thought. But we'll see what the next thing is when we talk to the doctor again.
The idea of IVF again doesn't thrill me but I will keep doing it because I know what I want. I just don't know how to get there yet.
My hubs said that we have each other first and some people don't even have that. This is quite true.
But at some point, having a family becomes a very strong need and desire. But no matter how much bed rest you do, or how much you pray or the things you eat or don't eat...there's no guarantee.
I learned the hard way tonight not to have Facebook open while you are checking your pregnancy results. As soon as you see that it's negative, you see on Facebook that someone announced their pregnancy.
Ouch.
So, how am I feeling? Like I'm about to get pranked by the monthly visitor as a reminder that I am not pregnant. Now I get to bleed for a week so I don't forget it.
Periods are good when you are ready to do a cycle and everything but not when you were desperately hoping you were FINALLY with child.
Weight Watchers and 2 weeks off from life may be added into the next round. Hubs mentioned that I'm not supposed to lift more than 15 lbs and I think he was implying that I carry that in my chest....He may be right about that but I don't think that's what they mean. :)
It might not even be until next year because it's already October 3rd and they stop stims in the beginning or so of December so they don't hit the holidays.
With hubby's insurance/working issue, I don't know what's going to happen. Okay, I know I say that every time but it seems to change or have the possibility of changing...so it's true each time.
He's working there for almost a year and not wanting to but doing it so we can try to have a baby.
The financial stuff rests on him and the making the baby stick relies on me. We're in a bit of a pickle because he's not fond of his situation and I'm not having any luck.
But my inner voice told me that I would get through this...somehow. Maybe it's God's way of getting the message to me.
Tonight we went to Outback because we had a free steak coupon and I decided that we should go before we found out. I figured I'd be too much of a mess to eat in public after finding out. Due to traffic, we took a scenic route, and of course there was a sign that said "It's a hard pill to swallow but stay the course."
Coincidence?? Yeah, I don't think so. God knows he's breaking my heart right now but I am going to try and trust in Him that we will have our miracle.
It does get harder and harder to be positive or at least stay positive. It's hard to believe that it may actually work.
I guess as long as we can still keep going, that's what I'm going to do. When we run out of options or insurance, that's when we think about other alternatives.
That also depends on what the doctor thinks too.
Sigh...
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Cuts and Bruises of the actual kind
Just got my instructions for the transfer tomorrow.
What a weird email to get. This is the time, place, and doctor that will put your potential babies in your womb.
Weird.
It's much earlier than I thought. I don't know if that is good or bad but hey...it's happening. 7am I need to drink 20oz of water. If you know my bladder, that is going to be a problem. So now while I'm already hoping I don't toot during the procedure, I have to worry about not peeing on myself or anyone either. 7:30 we have to be there. We talk to embryology and maybe sign papers. I forget. We signed the okay for them to be thawed already. I get undressed and Hubs puts on a crazy small outfit that makes him look silly...but cute. :) And by 8 or so, I'll probably have my vajayjay in the air and all will be underway. Hopefully.
My emotions go from extreme excitement to worry and nervousness. And then there's the inevitable embarrassment of it all too.
My butt has bruises from the progesterone oil injections. Fun.
And today I accidentally cut myself 2x with a razor. Once on my inner thigh and the other one...well, let's just say when the HUGE light is helping them navigate "down there", I won't be surprised if they giggle while they are up close and personal. So even more things to worry about doing or not doing or being embarrassed about.
I hope they don't giggle as I am hopefully NOT the first or last person to do that...
Ugh.
Hubs thinks it's kinda funny. And while I was sitting in the bathroom trying to get it stop bleeding...well, I kinda thought it was a tad funny too.
But my biggest concern aside from the embarrassment factor was...would it impede or hinder the transfer somehow?
Will I get all undressed for nothing just to have them take one look and say "oh no, we can't do it with that disaster there" or something? Silly I know. But I seriously would call the dr office to talk to a nurse if they were still accepting voicemails. After 4, they can't guarantee a response until the next day.
So while I write these blog entries for myself and to help others...I also write them so you can learn from my mistakes.
Or know what you're getting yourself into.
Sometimes I seriously just shake my head...at myself.
For those of you new to transfers ...I suggest finding my IVF transfer blog post because I tried my best to explain it.
Perhaps I will recreate the visual for you tomorrow after I get home.
I was watching an episode of Giuliana and Bill the other night and they went all the way to Denver to see a specialist to begin the process of IVF again. The genetics counselor (or whatever) said that it's hard for patients to believe that it could happen, that it could work.
That's sooo true.
There are so many people who have been through way more than we have, but I'm already up to 3 IUIs, 1 IVF, and now my first frozen embryo transfer.
So tomorrow morning around 8am (central time)...please think good thoughts for us. Whether you're new or an old follower, a friend, a lurker, or a complete stranger that knows what I am going through, I appreciate that you allow me to tell my story and that maybe you will be rooting for us. You know how much we want this. And have wanted it for a long time now.
Will this be it for us? I don't know. But I am certainly hoping and praying that it is.
I'm going on bed rest as soon as I get home. I might be a little less strict about it come Saturday but for Thurs and Fri...my bed is my new bff.
Last time I worked stupid hours after the IVF transfer and I still kick myself for it. The paper they give you clearly says not to even vacuum. Not that I know what that is (LOL) but I can imagine that it is less work than working 9 or 10 hours in a preschool class with 20 kids that don't know how to clean up.
Yeah...not good.
So I'm taking a break from the world. I will eat when I want to or sleep when I want to and watch movies and tv when I want to.
These embryos are going to get my undivided attention. Whether it works or not, I will at least know I did what I could. There's always something else I'm sure that can be done (healthier, etc) but I just really hope this is going to be it.
Maybe just one baby. Maybe 2. Who knows?
This is the most exciting and gut wrenching and sometimes heartbreaking part of this process.
Bring it.
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
What a weird email to get. This is the time, place, and doctor that will put your potential babies in your womb.
Weird.
It's much earlier than I thought. I don't know if that is good or bad but hey...it's happening. 7am I need to drink 20oz of water. If you know my bladder, that is going to be a problem. So now while I'm already hoping I don't toot during the procedure, I have to worry about not peeing on myself or anyone either. 7:30 we have to be there. We talk to embryology and maybe sign papers. I forget. We signed the okay for them to be thawed already. I get undressed and Hubs puts on a crazy small outfit that makes him look silly...but cute. :) And by 8 or so, I'll probably have my vajayjay in the air and all will be underway. Hopefully.
My emotions go from extreme excitement to worry and nervousness. And then there's the inevitable embarrassment of it all too.
My butt has bruises from the progesterone oil injections. Fun.
And today I accidentally cut myself 2x with a razor. Once on my inner thigh and the other one...well, let's just say when the HUGE light is helping them navigate "down there", I won't be surprised if they giggle while they are up close and personal. So even more things to worry about doing or not doing or being embarrassed about.
I hope they don't giggle as I am hopefully NOT the first or last person to do that...
Ugh.
Hubs thinks it's kinda funny. And while I was sitting in the bathroom trying to get it stop bleeding...well, I kinda thought it was a tad funny too.
But my biggest concern aside from the embarrassment factor was...would it impede or hinder the transfer somehow?
Will I get all undressed for nothing just to have them take one look and say "oh no, we can't do it with that disaster there" or something? Silly I know. But I seriously would call the dr office to talk to a nurse if they were still accepting voicemails. After 4, they can't guarantee a response until the next day.
So while I write these blog entries for myself and to help others...I also write them so you can learn from my mistakes.
Or know what you're getting yourself into.
Sometimes I seriously just shake my head...at myself.
For those of you new to transfers ...I suggest finding my IVF transfer blog post because I tried my best to explain it.
Perhaps I will recreate the visual for you tomorrow after I get home.
I was watching an episode of Giuliana and Bill the other night and they went all the way to Denver to see a specialist to begin the process of IVF again. The genetics counselor (or whatever) said that it's hard for patients to believe that it could happen, that it could work.
That's sooo true.
There are so many people who have been through way more than we have, but I'm already up to 3 IUIs, 1 IVF, and now my first frozen embryo transfer.
So tomorrow morning around 8am (central time)...please think good thoughts for us. Whether you're new or an old follower, a friend, a lurker, or a complete stranger that knows what I am going through, I appreciate that you allow me to tell my story and that maybe you will be rooting for us. You know how much we want this. And have wanted it for a long time now.
Will this be it for us? I don't know. But I am certainly hoping and praying that it is.
I'm going on bed rest as soon as I get home. I might be a little less strict about it come Saturday but for Thurs and Fri...my bed is my new bff.
Last time I worked stupid hours after the IVF transfer and I still kick myself for it. The paper they give you clearly says not to even vacuum. Not that I know what that is (LOL) but I can imagine that it is less work than working 9 or 10 hours in a preschool class with 20 kids that don't know how to clean up.
Yeah...not good.
So I'm taking a break from the world. I will eat when I want to or sleep when I want to and watch movies and tv when I want to.
These embryos are going to get my undivided attention. Whether it works or not, I will at least know I did what I could. There's always something else I'm sure that can be done (healthier, etc) but I just really hope this is going to be it.
Maybe just one baby. Maybe 2. Who knows?
This is the most exciting and gut wrenching and sometimes heartbreaking part of this process.
Bring it.
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
Monday, September 5, 2011
Gifts Wrapped in Shit
A wise lady told me today about gifts wrapped in shit. OK not literal shit. :)
But basically...we all go through shit. Life throws shit our way all the time. Being infertile is definitely shitty. However, my friend told me that there is a gift wrapped in that shit. We might not know it yet or think there is anything there. If we look deep enough, we will find the lesson in all of the shit and then be able to help others.
So this is my experience with IF. My experience and blog and support for you is my gift that I found out of the shit that is IF. :)
Personally, I don't think I'm quite out of the sifting through shit phase yet because we're still not pregnant ....BUT I'm trying to live through it and help at least someone else realize that they are not alone in this.
On another note, I'm scheduled for my transfer on the 22nd. I found out about a week ago that I have jury duty starting the 26th (yay....not) and it might conflict. Since I don't know how to get out of jury duty in the short period of time I have, I wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay with the transfer first. So after some phone tag with the doctor's office, we had a date. Now I think that still depends on how my body reacts to the Lupron and Estrace I'm on. I have another appointment on Friday the 9th to check things out. So cross your fingers that everything will go smoothly and the 22nd will be the lucky day. I am then taking 2 days off from doing anything other than TV and maybe the computer. No working or cleaning. I'm even missing a big birthday party for one of my friends.
But this is super important. So I'm sorry....but that's how it goes.
Also, for those of you who know me IRL, please do not buy me any baby books (about having babies not books to read to babies) or pregnancy books. Now that one of my FAVORITE stores is going out of business,I have acquired a HUGE collection of books. I probably shouldn't have purchased them since we're not pregnant yet but they were SUCH a good deal. Seriously...it was like they were giving them away.
I will have to count them later and cringe at how many I have. I like to think of it as being optimistic. I find it hard buying actual baby items right now unless I buy it for my niece or friends. I like to think of the books as "hope" pieces and hopefully not books that will collect dust on the shelves.
Also, if I know you IRL, don't be surprised if you get a book as a present when you get preggers. LOL
But I promise it won't be wrapped in shit. :)
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
PS I can't see my followers list. Anyone know how to fix that??
But basically...we all go through shit. Life throws shit our way all the time. Being infertile is definitely shitty. However, my friend told me that there is a gift wrapped in that shit. We might not know it yet or think there is anything there. If we look deep enough, we will find the lesson in all of the shit and then be able to help others.
So this is my experience with IF. My experience and blog and support for you is my gift that I found out of the shit that is IF. :)
Personally, I don't think I'm quite out of the sifting through shit phase yet because we're still not pregnant ....BUT I'm trying to live through it and help at least someone else realize that they are not alone in this.
On another note, I'm scheduled for my transfer on the 22nd. I found out about a week ago that I have jury duty starting the 26th (yay....not) and it might conflict. Since I don't know how to get out of jury duty in the short period of time I have, I wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay with the transfer first. So after some phone tag with the doctor's office, we had a date. Now I think that still depends on how my body reacts to the Lupron and Estrace I'm on. I have another appointment on Friday the 9th to check things out. So cross your fingers that everything will go smoothly and the 22nd will be the lucky day. I am then taking 2 days off from doing anything other than TV and maybe the computer. No working or cleaning. I'm even missing a big birthday party for one of my friends.
But this is super important. So I'm sorry....but that's how it goes.
Also, for those of you who know me IRL, please do not buy me any baby books (about having babies not books to read to babies) or pregnancy books. Now that one of my FAVORITE stores is going out of business,I have acquired a HUGE collection of books. I probably shouldn't have purchased them since we're not pregnant yet but they were SUCH a good deal. Seriously...it was like they were giving them away.
I will have to count them later and cringe at how many I have. I like to think of it as being optimistic. I find it hard buying actual baby items right now unless I buy it for my niece or friends. I like to think of the books as "hope" pieces and hopefully not books that will collect dust on the shelves.
Also, if I know you IRL, don't be surprised if you get a book as a present when you get preggers. LOL
But I promise it won't be wrapped in shit. :)
Happy Baby Wishes,
TheMrs
PS I can't see my followers list. Anyone know how to fix that??
Monday, August 29, 2011
Hormones, Fried Chicken, and Ex-Boyfriends
What a title huh? :) Let me explain...
Hormones...are mean.. Well, it's more like I'm me an when I'm messing with my hormones. I actually tried to explain this to my hubs recently. I hadn't had my period yet but he claimed I was cranky so it was probably coming. I told him that he needs to realize this (because he clearly doesn't) and not push me everytime I walk in the door. He doesn't physically push me but he bugs me about certain things. Sometimes he tries to be funny but I am obviously not feeling it but he continues on and on anyways.
So I said that you wouldn't approach a tiger when its hungry or angry. Sometimes I'm the tiger. No surprise but no response to that one (it was via text). It's just common sense.
I do make a point though, right? A tiger can't change its stripes and I can't change my mood sometimes. Sure, I can try and I do make an effort. However, a tiger can only be poke so much before it bites...or at least make an intimidating roar or growl.
On Wednesday, I finally saw what appeared to be a period and the cramps are a clue that it is definitely here. So, hopefully hubs will take a hint and all will be good.
This period has been a little weird. Just when I thought it was tapering off, it started back full force yesterday. TMI warning...but it was a little "clotty". Sorry...just not sure if that means anything or not.
Moving on...to fried chicken.
One bonus of bcps and/or not having your period for awhile is NO ZITS! Now that I'm off them, it was as if a colony of pilgrims came to my face and decided to settle there.
I got a lot right away but the under the skin kind that kinda hurts a little. Well, you can feel them and its just uncomfortable. Luckily, I got burnt the other day and I think that it helped a little. Perhaps they can go off and settle on someone else's face. lol
However, the night after getting them is NOT a good time to eat fried chicken! I think all of the grease went to my face. Sigh...but my hormones/ body wanted fried chicken because it has been so long. A catch 22 it was.
Ex-boyfriends....
You may need a little backstory for this one...
In middle school, there was a boy who liked me and pursued me for the whole 3 yrs, every day. Yes, a little stalkerish. lol
In high schol, this same boy continued to pursue me except he actually attempted to date other girls when I told him no (and I was dating someone else-REALLY long story there). Anyways, eventually we did go out and we also went to ALL of the high school dances together (sometimes as friends and sometimes while dating). He was my first for many things. We were...how do I put this...stupidly in love. But all was not roses. He lied a LOT and his dysfunctional relationship with his parents even landed him in a tent next to my parents' house for a weekend. His family lived 3 houtses behind mine. Anyways, he slept in a tent because my parents weren't stupid (they probably knew things were going on) and wouldn't let him stay in the house. This makes me laugh now...Maybe you had to be there. lol
Anyways, after 4 yrs of a roller coaster relationship, we broke up. Well, he told me he had slept with someone else. He had cheated and I wasn't surprised. After his uncle died in 2003, he was a different person. He did drugs and alcohol. He asked me for money (which yes, I gave him...), got put in jail for shoplifting at Walmart...which I bailed him out, and he showed up at my dorm room once with hickies all over his neck...and not from me.
So that was 2004. A few years later his girlfriend at the time (who he cheated on me with) contacted me via AIM. Does anyone even use that anymore?? I don't know why she wanted to talk to me but unfortunately he jumped on the computer at one point and was really nasty to me. That was the last time I remember hearing from him. That was maybe 2006.
His sister (the nicest one) is still on my Facebook (because I'm crazy I guess). And I still talk to the girlfriend that IMed me all those years ago (who has married and divorced him) on Facebook too. I know, I know...that's just crazy. But she was cheated on too (big shocker) but (un)fortunately, a child was created from that.
Now he's with some older lady that has 2 teenage children and a 13 month old (who is adorable).
Life is so fair, isn't it?
My point I was getting to was...
About a week ago I came home from doing a craft show with my mom and her friend. I found a note on my car. Guess who it was from? Yeah. Wow. After being broken up since 2004, and last hearing from him around 2006, I was beside myself.
I then found out from my dad (because I was at their house) that he actually came to the DOOR looking for me. Despite that my car was there, I was not. THANKFULLY.
Needless to say I freaked out a little. Wouldn't you? What could he have to say?? His note said he just wanted to say hi and it mentioned that he was at his parents' house for the night.
Yeah, like I'd go over there. I'd pass the spot in the concrete where we wrote our initials. No thanks. There was also the whole talking to him thing too. lol
One of my friends said I should talk to him though to see what he has to say. At first, I thought absolutely not! He crushed me. And just the night before all of this, I happened to reread a poem I wrote about how he saved my life when he had walked out of it.
That Monday came and went without much thought about it. But then the other night I stumbled on some pictures from his sister's wedding. I saw him with his son. Weird because it was hard to see to him as a dad but cute. No flutteries though but I know I will always have some good and bad feelings towards him.
So maybe I should talk to him if the opportunity presents itself? Maybe he has changed. Maybe not. But that has to take balls to show up after 5 yrs. Plus, I think God promotes forgiveness more than hate. I'm tired of feeling that way about him. Not hate, but true dislike and betrayal....mixed with residual feelings from the good times. Let's face it...I'd like to tell him a few things too.
My dad said that no martter what happened between us, I was still a good friend to him. That's true. My friends and family are happy I didn't stay with him but for my dad to say that, it got me thinking.
I could be the better person. I usually have in our situation. I don't plan on pursuing this or making an effort. If he tried again to talk to me, do I respond?
Maybe I'll be less paranoid and more willing to be receptive should he contact me again. Neither one of our parents seems to be moving, so he will always be right there when he's visiting. It could be another 5 years too.
Then again, it could all just be my hormones talking. :)
Whew...that was long. Thanks for reading!!
Happy Baby Wishes,
The Mrs
Hormones...are mean.. Well, it's more like I'm me an when I'm messing with my hormones. I actually tried to explain this to my hubs recently. I hadn't had my period yet but he claimed I was cranky so it was probably coming. I told him that he needs to realize this (because he clearly doesn't) and not push me everytime I walk in the door. He doesn't physically push me but he bugs me about certain things. Sometimes he tries to be funny but I am obviously not feeling it but he continues on and on anyways.
So I said that you wouldn't approach a tiger when its hungry or angry. Sometimes I'm the tiger. No surprise but no response to that one (it was via text). It's just common sense.
I do make a point though, right? A tiger can't change its stripes and I can't change my mood sometimes. Sure, I can try and I do make an effort. However, a tiger can only be poke so much before it bites...or at least make an intimidating roar or growl.
On Wednesday, I finally saw what appeared to be a period and the cramps are a clue that it is definitely here. So, hopefully hubs will take a hint and all will be good.
This period has been a little weird. Just when I thought it was tapering off, it started back full force yesterday. TMI warning...but it was a little "clotty". Sorry...just not sure if that means anything or not.
Moving on...to fried chicken.
One bonus of bcps and/or not having your period for awhile is NO ZITS! Now that I'm off them, it was as if a colony of pilgrims came to my face and decided to settle there.
I got a lot right away but the under the skin kind that kinda hurts a little. Well, you can feel them and its just uncomfortable. Luckily, I got burnt the other day and I think that it helped a little. Perhaps they can go off and settle on someone else's face. lol
However, the night after getting them is NOT a good time to eat fried chicken! I think all of the grease went to my face. Sigh...but my hormones/ body wanted fried chicken because it has been so long. A catch 22 it was.
Ex-boyfriends....
You may need a little backstory for this one...
In middle school, there was a boy who liked me and pursued me for the whole 3 yrs, every day. Yes, a little stalkerish. lol
In high schol, this same boy continued to pursue me except he actually attempted to date other girls when I told him no (and I was dating someone else-REALLY long story there). Anyways, eventually we did go out and we also went to ALL of the high school dances together (sometimes as friends and sometimes while dating). He was my first for many things. We were...how do I put this...stupidly in love. But all was not roses. He lied a LOT and his dysfunctional relationship with his parents even landed him in a tent next to my parents' house for a weekend. His family lived 3 houtses behind mine. Anyways, he slept in a tent because my parents weren't stupid (they probably knew things were going on) and wouldn't let him stay in the house. This makes me laugh now...Maybe you had to be there. lol
Anyways, after 4 yrs of a roller coaster relationship, we broke up. Well, he told me he had slept with someone else. He had cheated and I wasn't surprised. After his uncle died in 2003, he was a different person. He did drugs and alcohol. He asked me for money (which yes, I gave him...), got put in jail for shoplifting at Walmart...which I bailed him out, and he showed up at my dorm room once with hickies all over his neck...and not from me.
So that was 2004. A few years later his girlfriend at the time (who he cheated on me with) contacted me via AIM. Does anyone even use that anymore?? I don't know why she wanted to talk to me but unfortunately he jumped on the computer at one point and was really nasty to me. That was the last time I remember hearing from him. That was maybe 2006.
His sister (the nicest one) is still on my Facebook (because I'm crazy I guess). And I still talk to the girlfriend that IMed me all those years ago (who has married and divorced him) on Facebook too. I know, I know...that's just crazy. But she was cheated on too (big shocker) but (un)fortunately, a child was created from that.
Now he's with some older lady that has 2 teenage children and a 13 month old (who is adorable).
Life is so fair, isn't it?
My point I was getting to was...
About a week ago I came home from doing a craft show with my mom and her friend. I found a note on my car. Guess who it was from? Yeah. Wow. After being broken up since 2004, and last hearing from him around 2006, I was beside myself.
I then found out from my dad (because I was at their house) that he actually came to the DOOR looking for me. Despite that my car was there, I was not. THANKFULLY.
Needless to say I freaked out a little. Wouldn't you? What could he have to say?? His note said he just wanted to say hi and it mentioned that he was at his parents' house for the night.
Yeah, like I'd go over there. I'd pass the spot in the concrete where we wrote our initials. No thanks. There was also the whole talking to him thing too. lol
One of my friends said I should talk to him though to see what he has to say. At first, I thought absolutely not! He crushed me. And just the night before all of this, I happened to reread a poem I wrote about how he saved my life when he had walked out of it.
That Monday came and went without much thought about it. But then the other night I stumbled on some pictures from his sister's wedding. I saw him with his son. Weird because it was hard to see to him as a dad but cute. No flutteries though but I know I will always have some good and bad feelings towards him.
So maybe I should talk to him if the opportunity presents itself? Maybe he has changed. Maybe not. But that has to take balls to show up after 5 yrs. Plus, I think God promotes forgiveness more than hate. I'm tired of feeling that way about him. Not hate, but true dislike and betrayal....mixed with residual feelings from the good times. Let's face it...I'd like to tell him a few things too.
My dad said that no martter what happened between us, I was still a good friend to him. That's true. My friends and family are happy I didn't stay with him but for my dad to say that, it got me thinking.
I could be the better person. I usually have in our situation. I don't plan on pursuing this or making an effort. If he tried again to talk to me, do I respond?
Maybe I'll be less paranoid and more willing to be receptive should he contact me again. Neither one of our parents seems to be moving, so he will always be right there when he's visiting. It could be another 5 years too.
Then again, it could all just be my hormones talking. :)
Whew...that was long. Thanks for reading!!
Happy Baby Wishes,
The Mrs
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