Waiting Blues and Thinking Pink (lines)

In less than 48 hours I will know the results of our second IUI...

I feel different this time... Not really physically...just mentally. But I'm not sure if I should psych myself up for a let down or still be overly optimistic.

Anxious is definitely how I feel though. Right now...and probably up until I find out.

My body is not a good indicator for anything. I tell myself "it's probably just gas" or "it is probably something I ate" or "it's probably just my PMS" or something...

As badly as I want to be pregnant, and STAY pregnant this time...I have a hard time letting myself believe it's going to happen.

I WANT it to happen so much but I almost feel bad for letting myself be happy thinking about how it would be for the results to be positive.

Why is that???

Fear. Fear of being soo happy in my mind but then finding out the devastating news.

Last time was so close but just not enough. What will (if anything) happen this time around?

Every cycle is different. From the period (haha) before and the period (haha) after....to the emotions, the ups and downs about guessing what is going on with my body...even to how much I tell people.

It's hard enough getting your own hopes up let alone someone else's. Then multiply that by 5 or more...because you just had to blab to everyone. Well...almost everyone.

DH's family still knows absolutely NOTHING. Right now, his dad is going through some hard times. He actually found out he has colon cancer. Tomorrow they are going to remove part of his intestines. :(

Hopefully we will have good news to give him come Wednesday. Well...we probably wouldn't tell them right away anyways. I have a feeling DH will wait til I'm giving birth before he announces the news. LOL

We don't see his family enough where they could catch on. I still say they should know...but only if they will be cool about it.

If they have a problem with how we conceived, then I will have a problem with THEM having a problem! :)

Bad news....if that happens. We'll see.

For now, we just wait.

DH is so random too. He freaks out about stuff one day and then the next he's telling me I need to take better care of myself because we're paying to get pregnant. :) And then a little bit ago, he tells me he's not sure abut the names we like anymore because they're so popular right now.

I definitely cannot read him like a book in regards to baby stuff. But I know he'll be happy when we get our good news.

Crossing my fingers, toes, eyes, legs, or whatever I have to! :)