Short Term Disappointment

Hello all,

I'm finally discussing what happened. Nothing dramatic this time really...just sucky all around.

Last Wednesday I went to get my blood drawn for the beta test. Two nurses had to poke me 3 times! Needless to say I have a nice bruise. For some reason I have tricky veins. I always blame it on my grandma. She had the same problem.

Sad to say but the poking and soreness was for nothing. Not completely for nothing but pretty much. This time the IUI failed. Let's look at why, shall we?

1. The nurse said I probably already ovulated after she inseminated the sperm. Could have been poor timing.
2. I only had 1 good follicle.
3. DH's sperm count was much lower to lack of sleep, stress (he found out his dad has colon cancer), and not being comfortable in the doctor's office.
4. I did ask for one way or the other. The last time was so hard and hard on my body. I suppose it's better to know at first rather than be given false hope.

It's how I found out that was kind of interesting. The fertility insurance people called me around 2:55pm. I wasn't supposed to call the Patients Results Network (PRN) for the voicemail until 3pm. She tells me if it's okay to put the next cycle of clomid through. I told her that I had a pregnancy test that morning and didn't know the results yet.

Safe to say...she was pretty upset that she was the one to tell me I was not pregnant. She felt bad but called right away because these things have to be processed promptly in order to get the meds before your next cycle.

Ugh.

Part of me wishes I hadn't picked up the phone. I'm sure the insurance lady felt the same way. I told her we had to talk about it and I would  call back later.

I finally called the PRN and found out the official bad news...several minutes AFTER 3pm btw. But whatever. The results were the same. It wasn't some mix up that part of my heart was hoping for.

Of course the tears came and talking to the hubby through gurgled words and sobs.

Then I remembered something I heard on The Little Couple. They've been having a really hard time with follicles, etc. Bill said something about it being a "short term disappointment".

I try to remind myself that one day I will be holding that baby telling him or her how hard it was to have them but was worth the wait. I don't want just any baby...I want to have the right baby that was meant for us. Do you ever think if your parents hadn't had you, what that would be like? You wouldn't exist. For some reason 1 egg and 1 special sperm have to be right. I remind myself that it will happen.

Part of that mentality helps me. The other part is knowing that we haven't exhausted all of our options.

I still wonder why it would have sort of worked the first time but not worked at all the second time. Why does IF have to be SO frickin' complicated??? AND WHY DO SOME PEOPLE MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY?! (Not IF...having babies)

*takes a deep breath*

The next step is do our 3rd IUI in January. My dosage of Clomid is going to be increased. The insurance people told me I have 4 IUIs, then some type of shot, and then IVF retrieval.

That gives me some hope. I just hope it doesn't get to that point. We'll see though.

We could have been doing it this month except that the IUI could happen right at Christmas. That would not be good considering we will be in KY visiting my in laws.

Hubby and I decided it would be too stressful to try to make it all work. And sorry, but timed intercourse at your in-laws/parents' house is just not that romantic. lol

As much as I wanted to jump right back in, we're taking a brief break. I think it's the best for all of us.

So much for my Christmas miracle...BUT that doesn't mean I can't have a January miracle or whatever month he or she decides to bless us.

In case I don't make it back on here, Happy Holidays everyone!